Smash Wars
by Eladard Kikur
Summary: A hilarious Star Wars parody starring the SSBM gang! XD
1. Act 1: A Strange Beginning

**If you preferred the original script format, please visit my homepage.**

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A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away...Bah! Forget this! The baka emperor dude, Andross, is waging war again random people in a no-gambling zone and he needs to be stopped. Wait...or was is it that dude that falls down and spills the oil on the Flatzone stage?

Princess Zelda of Hyrule was running down a hallway with a random Wire Frame person after her. Zelda ducked into a corner and transformed into Sheik. She came out and the Wire Frame person walked away.

Meanwhile, in a boring hallway...

"Sir, what should we do about the princess who's gonna get some random baka dude to fight us?" asked a Male Wire Frame.

"Which princess are you taking about?" answered Marth Vader whil making that evil breathing sound.

"THE ONE THAT'S WEARING A PRETTY DRESS!!!"

"There are two princesses on Super Smash Bros. Melee: Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom and Princess Zelda of Hyrule. Let's do away with the one that called me an 'Ihuu aoa iho'ne jyat', whatever that is," said Marth Vader.

"That is Hylian for 'Weird blue-haired idiot', Sir. We shall do away with Princess Zelda," answered Male Wire Frame.

"Ok, then. I'll use my 'Super-Duper-Über-Cool-Bad-Tight-Great-Evil-Secret Weapon' to get rid of Princess Zelda!" said Marth Vader. He began to laugh out loud in an evil fashion, until he began to cough and choke. "Erm...I'm ok...," he mumbled before fainting.

Meanwhile...

"Ok, now. Pichu-chan, give this to Mr. Gemu & Waochi-Kenobi. It's veeery important," said Zelda.

"Certainly, Zelda...erm...who the heck is Mr. Gemu & Waochi?" asked Pichu.

Pikachu smacked his forehead and cried out "Oy! It's Japanese for Mr. Game & Watch. The -Kenobi part is to make it more Star Wars-y."

The object Zelda handed Pichu looked like an ordinary Game & Watch device, but it's really a message for the chief resident of Flatezone.

"In a monotone voice This is a message for Mr. Game & Watch-Kenobi. Please rescue Princess Zelda of Hyrule or she will tar and feather you. Have a nice day. Long live a free press. Turn off your T.V.," said the Game & Watch Device. It ended transmission.

This Star Wars parody is getting weirder and weirder even though we haven't gotten to the good part yet," said Pikachu.

"Yeah, at least no one's calling each other a wookie like with the Tenchi Muyo version," added the younger Pokémon.

"Whatever happened to that?" asked Zelda.

"Well, with all the insanity and the constant catfights between Ryoko and Ayeka, and Mihoshi nearly destroying the set, the author got pretty mad...," said Pichu.

"Who's the author of 'Tenchi Muyo Wars!'" asked the princess of Hyrule.

"The same author who's doing this one. She decided not to put up the other one yet," said Pikachu.

"Well, I gotta go now. I'm gonna go steal an escape pod and--" Before Zelda could finish, she got captured by a Female Wire Frame. "--give Marth Vader a headache."

"Let's run away!" cried Pikachu.

Pichu went up to the Female Wire Frame and shocked her. "IT'S A HIT-KICK-AND-RUN!!!" he shouted before runing to the escape pods.

Pikachu and Pichu got inside and got launched into space. To break the silence, Pichu decided to start up a conversation.

"I'm nausous...I'm nausous...I'm nausous...," chanted Pichu.

"You better NOT puke in here!" threatened Pikachu .

"Hah! Just kidding!" laughed Pichu.

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**Author's Note: Yeah, so I learned proper Hylian from the time I wrote this and the time I'd editing this. I couldn't find the Hylian words for the original insult Zelda said to Marth Vader, so...**


	2. Act 2: A New Ally!

In an arid desert, Pikachu and Pichu were wandering around with absolutely no idea on where they are.

"Man! I hope that we're in a place that has animé! I-must-watch-.HackSign!!!" cried Pichu.

"I think that you're suffering from sun stroke..." groaned Pikachu with an animé-style sweatdrop.

"I MUST SEE IF THOSE CRAZY HUMANS ARE RIGHT!!!"

"What crazy humans? What are you talking about?"

"I CAN'T TELL YOU OR IT'LL BE A SPOILER!!!" shrieked Pichu.

"Just tell me, baka. You've told me who the future Sammy was in that one Pokémon Movie. Even though it was a spoiler, I already knew that! It was soooo obvious, and plus I pieced together the stuff from past episodes," said Pikachu while rolling his eyes.

"Those crazy humans were sayin' that my Tsukasa-sama is a... 'noun' in real life! I DON'T BELIEVE THAT!!!" This time, Pikachu was growing more and more concerned about his crazy friend.

"A 'noun'? Every single person, place, thing, and idea is a noun, Pichu."

"I MUST SEE THE LAST EPISODE TO BELIEVE THAT!!!"

Pikachu looked around and noticed that they were in... Onett?

"Looks like we're back in civilization!" announced Pikachu. He got picked up by a New Age Retro Hippie.

"Like, I can, like, sell ya dudes ta, like, people who are, like, Pokémon-less! SWEET!" cried the New Age Retro Hippie.

"Hey, Eddie-wannabe! Can ya tell me where the hotel is? I NEED A COLOR CABLE TV!!! IT'S AN EMERGANCY!!!" screamed Pichu.

"DUDE! Like, another Pokémon! SWEET!!!" The New Age Retro Hippie grabbed Pichu and put him and Pikachu into a bus that's all decorated hippie-like. Scary, I know.

"HEY! YA DUN KNOW WHO YER DEALIN' WITH!!! I'M FRIENDS WITH JERRY!!! HIS TRAINER IS THE FAMOUS ASH KETCHUM, BAKA HIPPIE!!!" Pichu did a few karate moves while the other Pokémon inside the bus gave him disturbed looks.

"Dude! Enough with the spoilers! Now the whole world knows my REAL name!" growled Jer--I mean, Pikachu.

"Yer name's not as important as Tsukasa's real one, so relax!"

"Thanks a lot!" Pikachu answered sacastically.

The crazed hippie drove his hippie bus around town until he saw a young teenage boy standing by the Drug Store, with a bike. The boy looked around and saw the bus come by. This boy was 16 years old, had reddish-brown hair, and was wearing some sort of armor stuff.

"DUDE! Just say 'The hippie drove by and Roy was standing by the store...', instead of using all adjectives!" barked Roy.

The Almighty Author threw Roy into a cage full of rabid Yaoi fangirls that began to write tons and tons of yaoi fics that featured him being paired with every male character from Super Smash Bros. Melee and Fire Emblem. To make it even more torturous, it-had-LEMONS! It was also written as if it was ran through the hilarious Engligh-to-AOLer (the link can be found in my main blog, by the way) many times.

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY, ALMIGHTY AUTHOR!!!" Roy sobbed hysterically.

The Almighty Author released Roy from the cage.

"By the way, DON'T call me 'dude'! I'm a chick, dagnaabit!" yelled the author. "Wait... I always say that I'm a guy on most message boards I go to because I use guy names. Ahh! I'm countradicting myself!" The author ran away.

Roy curled into a ball on the ground, sobbing "Don't hurt me, I'm sorry!"

Like, dudes and, like, chicks! I, like, have mondo-cool Pokémon for you, like, Pokémon-less people!" announced the crazy hippie.

Roy ran to the bus all excited like a certain rabid Tsukasa fan running to the nearest TV. "I WANT TWO POKÉMON!!!"

"Like, today's yer lucky day, dude! I have, like, uber-tight Pokémon!"

A bunch of Pokémon (Including Pichu and Pikachu) stoond by the side of the bus.

"I need two Pokémon that are helpful, strong, SUPER-KAWAII, smart, and that don't get an attitude with me," said the pyromaniac Mamkute.

"Hi! I'm Jerry the Pikachu and I meet all of your standards! I'm also house-broken, speak fluent English, Japanese, and Spanish, friendly around children, and I can play the trumpet! There's a little somethin' ya should know, though. I'm a tad... claustrophobic. Is it ok if I stay out of the PokéBall 24/7?"

"HECK YA! I found zee perfect Pokémon!!! WOO-HOO!" Roy did a happy dance, then thought about the next Pokémon. "Ok, now for the second one..."

"Dude! Like, I have one that you'd, like, wanna have! Like, this one is, like, friendly, and, like, not aggressive! Like, meet...Picks up a Pokémon and give it to Roy ...Wobbuffet!"

"Wobbuffet!" «Pleased to meet you!» announced the Pokémon.

"What the hey?!" exclaimed Roy.

"'Hay' is for horses! Do ya see a butt on my tail!?" asked Pichu.

"...okay..." mumbled Pikachu.

"Excuse me, Mr. Hippie, sir. I'm not so sure about that Wobbuffet..."

"Like, that Wobbuffet is, like, mondo smart! And, like, it's, like, house-broken, and like, it can hack stuff! Uber mondo funkay!!!"

"Ffet! Ffet! Wobbuffet wobbuffet wobbu wobbu!" «No! No! That hippie dude's making up junk!» panicked Wobbuffet.

"Hmm... I don't wanna hacker Pokémon. I'll get somethin' else..." Roy resumed looking around when a certain Electric-type caught his eye.

"Hey dude! Pick me! I wanna go with you! PLEEEEEEEEASE?! I wanna be wit' mah homie, Jerry!" said Pichu.

"STOP CALLIN' ME BY MY REAL NAME, BAKA!!!" shouted Pikachu. He threw a Javalin at Pichu, who did the Matrix backwards bend. Pichu countered with a book on Dark Magic--err, _Elder_ Magic spells and threw the _book_ at Pikachu. He missed and they both got 2 Exp.

"Erm... I guess I'll go with Pichu," said Roy after witnessing this bizarre mock Fire Emblem battle.

"MONDO SWEET! Like, here are yer Pokémon, dude." The New Age Retro Hippie dressed Pichu and Pikachu in hippie clothes and sunglasses "Come again!"

Roy put the Pokémon on his bike and he rode off. Roy headed to a house on the top of the hill. Inside were Mario and Peach. They were inside, cleaning up the house.

"I'm home! Plus, I got some new Pokémon for us!" called Roy.

"Welcome home, dear! You must be tired from shopping for the Pokémon. Have a snack and scoot up to bed," said Peach.

"Okie-dokie, artichokie!" answered Roy. He raided the fridge (taking nearly everything) and ran upstairs to his bedroom.

"Good afternoon, ma'am! How are you doing?" asked Pikachu.

"Awwww, how cute! Roy bought you guys kawaii Pokémon outfits! You look sooooo kawaii in that hippie outfit!" Peach pinched Pichu's cheeks really hard.

"Owwww, not the cheeks!" squealed Pichu.

"Hey, wait for me!" Pikachu ran after Roy.

Inside Roy's room, he had his room decorated with nearly EVERY single piece of Nintendo and animé merchandise. There were numerous posters from Nintendo Power and from various animé series. He seemed to be particually fond of a certain animé that Pichu's just DYING to see the last episode of... Roy was sitting on his bed and had his snack out, but he's not eating all of it. He spotted Pikachu coming in and he seemed to be very happy to see him.

"Pikachu!!! Here, I got this for you and Pichu! Dig in! I've got everything imaginable! Ice cream, tacos, pocky..."

"POCKY!?! LEMME AT IT!!!" Pikachu dived into the snacks.

"OHMYGAWWWD!!! YOU LIKE POCKY TOO?!? SWEEEEEEEEEET!!!" squealed Roy.

Pichu entered the room with his cheeks veeeeeeery sore... "Owie... Peach loves cute things, doesn't she?"

"Have a snack, Pichu!" called Roy.

"Just back away from the pocky!" Pikachu threatened with the Duck Hunt Gun.

"POCKY?!?" exclaimed Pichu.

"Oops! Looks like we're outta pocky!" Roy sweatdropped.

Pichu screamed bloody murder and fainted.

Later that night, everyone (but Pichu, who's in bed, crying away) was watching TV. They're watching Cartoon Network, which was running a marathon of cartoon movies. It was almost midnight and it was getting to the good part in the movie.

"Zoinks! Almost time for everything to fall into place! Almost time for the greatest mystery to be answered!!! It's... here..." Pichu's eye got all stary-eyed.

"Man! This movie rocks!" cheered Mario.

"10 stars!" added Peach.

"2 paws up!" Pikachu also added.

"Too bad that the last episode of my faaaaavorite animé won't come on until next week!" said Roy.

Pichu, who was upstairs, suddenly jumped up and rushed downstairs, screaming like a madman. He charged at the TV and ended up knocking it over. Suddenly, the electricity went out in the house, then in the whole neighborhood.

"Geez! Looks like someone doesn't like these cartoon movies...," said Roy.

"Oh! We have something..." Pikachu handed Roy the Game & Watch device. "I think that you should see this."

"Okie dokie!" Roy turned it on and got the message from Princess Zelda. "Hmm... I think that we should go rescue her!"

"Wait! It's the middle of the night! Wait until morning, okie dokie?"

"Now we know where Roy got that 'okie dokie' from!" Pichu whispered to Pikachu.

The next morning, Peach was making breakfast, Mario was reading the newspaper, and Pikachu and Pichu got ready for the new adventure: Go find Mr. Game & Watch-kenobi. Unfortunately for them, Roy was still asleep. He's not a morning person.

"Wake up, Roy! We gotta go save Zelda!" hollered Pichu.

"C'mon! GET UP!!!" called Pikachu.

"Hmm... lemme... sleep...," Roy mumbled then turned over.

"Lazy bones!" sighed Pikachu.

Will these three ever find Mr. Game & Watch-kenobi?! Will they even START their search?! And when will Pichu ever get to see the last episode of .HackSign?! Stay tuned...


	3. Act 3: The Search for Mr Game & Watchken...

It was 10 in the morning when Pikachu, Pichu, and Roy went outside to start their quest to find Mr. Game & Watch-kenobi. They finally got the redhead 16-year-old to wake up around 8, then he had breakfast until 9 which was when he watched Kirby: Right Back At Ya!. Roy took the two Pokemon into the garage to show them something...

"Check this out, guys! We can go search for ol' Game & Watch in--" He ripped off a cover to reveal an unusual vehicle. "--THIS!"

The vehicle was a strange green monsterious-looking aircraft. It resembled some kind of beetle.

"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!?" exclaimed Pichu.

"This, my Pokepals, is... ZEE HYDRA!!!" Roy laughed insanely.

"Okayyy... calm down now, Roy-chan. Please?" begged Pikachu.

"Hai! Now... where do I start? Oh! The Hydra is one of the Legendary Vehicles Things Of Doooooooom!!! It's mondo-powerful and eeeeeeeeeevil lookin'! Ya wouldn't wanna tailgate someone who's in a Hydra unless ya wanna die!Neat, eh?" explained Roy.

"Where, may I ask, did you get this at?" asked Pikachu.

"I got this on my Sweet 16 birthday!" answered the pyro.

"Erm... don't girls have a Sweet 16?" asked Pichu.

"Yeah, but mine was sweet, cuz I got... ZEE HYDRA OF SPOOKY DOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!" Roy did his battle pose from SSBM but without the "Hee-YAH!" while saying that. "Oh, and some animé stuff an' Nintendo stuff too!"

"...Is it safe to drive?" Pikachu asked.

"Of course it is, baka!" said Roy.

"And do you have a Driver's License as well?" Pikachu asked.

"Yep! I'm responsible!" Pikachu and Pichu gave him an evil glare. "...Even though I'm not that smart at times!"

"Let's hop in and take this ba-bay fer a spin!" shouted Pichu.

Everyone hopped in and zooooomed down the streets on Onett, nearly destroying a set for another fanfic that the evil Almighty Author had in store. The gang headed out far, far, far away from Onett and into a desertous mountain region.

"'Religion'?!" asked Roy.

"'REGION'!!!" shouted the angry author.

"Eep! No more Yaoi fans! Please! I had nightmares about what happened yesterday! Don't!" begged Roy.

The Almighty Author disapppeared, leaving poor Roy in a frightened state. The gang was driving through, minding their own business. All was quiet. Yes, Roy, you may make smart aleck remarks about that last sentence like "All Quiet on the Western Front r0x0rz!", etc.

"Let's all sing random video game songs!" suggested Roy.

"NANI?!?" exclaimed the Pokémon.

"Like this!" He sang aloud the tune to "Mt. Dedede" from Kirby Super Star. "Got it?"

"All right, since we have nothing else to do. And since that it's a drivng hazard for you to play yer GBA SP whilst driving," said Pikachu.

"Yeah, what a bummer! I wanted to kick some butt in Super Mario Advance 5!" sighed Roy.

Suddenly, they spotted something within the rocks that littered the desertous mountain REGION.

"Zoinks! What was that?!" cried Pichu.

"What didja see?" asked Pikachu.

His eyes were all wide and his voice was heavy with fear. "I sense something... something really bad!" muttered Pichu.

"Hey, great Tsukasa impression! That r0x0rz!" cheered Roy. No one knows how he was able to speak chatspeak or whatever it's called.

"Don't remind meeeeeee!!!" Pichu whined loudly. "By the way, I was serious when I said that I sensed something really bad."

Suddenly, the gang was ambushed by an evil pack of Miniblins. The Miniblins attacked the gang with their evil little spears and pokers. The Miniblins moved like a swarm of locuts during harvest season, wanting nothing more than money, armour, the Hydra, and messing up Roy's stylish hair. Unfortunately, he didn't have a spare bottle of Hair Gel in his possession.

"Mooooooooooooommyyyyyyyy! I kinda miss the rabid Yaoi fans from yesterday! These things are EVIL!!!!!!" screamed Roy.

The Miniblins left after something was thrown at them. The gang was safe now, except for Roy whose hair was a complete mess.

"I'm so glad that they attacked only Roy and not us!" said Pichu.

"Let's drive off to find Mr. Game & Watch-kenobi now!" said Pikachu.

"Ok, guys," answered Roy. He started the Hydra, and it moved a few feet before blowing up into a ball of flames of doom. "ARRRRGH!!! I HATE THIS PIECE OF JUNK!!!"

"Let's go on foot," said Pikachu.

The gang walked for four hours in the blazing sun, hoping to find the man who could save Zelda. They eventually reached a nice neighborhood that had a big train station. They walked over to a group of four houses, one of them was a big fancy one with a red roof. A strange person walks out of the house. He was the elusive Mr. Game & Watch.

"Hello. I've never seen you guys around here, before. Have ya all moved in here?" asked Mr. Game & Watch

"Heyyy, do you know some funkay dude named 'Mr. Game & Watch-kenobi'? Huh? Huh? And do you have the last episode of .HackSign in yer possession? Huh? Do ya, Mister? HUH?! HUH?!" said Pichu.

Ka-POW!  
"I'm so pretty... oh so pretty... lalala..." Pichu fainted and Pikachu had a halo on his head.

"Well, SOMEONE had to shut him up!" he said.

"Come on inside and tell me your tell... And help me kick this evil girl named Yuka out of my town. SHE CORRUPTED NEARLY EVERYONE WITH 'TSK TSK'!!! said Mr. Game & Watch.

Now that Mr. Game & Watch-kenobi was found, they need to find the wherebouts of Zelda. What will happen next!? Stay tuned...


End file.
